Darling is an American Idiot
by Lack of Tact
Summary: The PhoneWave ruined Future Gadget Laboratory's finances. With electricity bills through the roof, who do they call to help? An old, overseas friend of Kurisu's: Weyland Lemming. A pessimistic, narcissistic American who—at this point, honestly, just wants to go home. Stuck as temporary LabMem no. 009, there's a reason why they say "home is where the heart is." Rated T - M


**Darling is an American Idiot**

**Day 5, Prologue: Operation: Lemming**

* * *

It is currently the fifth of August; time of day: 8:51 PM.

Debts are high, morale is down; lab members 002 through 008—excluding present company—are AWOL. It's solely up to me to discover a way to turn everything around. This is the will of Steins Gate. Otherwise, this situation shouldn't have even been plausible. The PhoneWave (name subject to change) simply took too much electricity to power. Its usage put us in the red for our electricity bill; what should have been a measly 460 something kilowatts per hour turned into a whopping 630. Put that on top of our rent... I digress, a simple problem with a simple answer.

One I don't have _yet,_ but I will! Just have to decide how to go about this, is all.

Cutting the project entirely is out of the question. Who _knows_ what we may discover with its untapped potential. Maybe limiting the use to the Future Gadget would suffice? But no, that couldn't work either. Not when we're this close to discovering _true_ time travel! Frustrating. Maybe I could ask Daru, see if we can reroute power from somewhere else... no, I'm sure that's illegal. Dammit, all!

Slamming a fist down on my desk, I ignore the scant amount of movement in the corner of my eye.

We're on our last leg; Future Gadget Laboratory couldn't possibly come back from this—"Okabe, I have a suggestion." How could we? We just don't have the proper funding! How could this possibly happen? Unless... no. Surely, this is the work of the Organization—"Ok_aaabe."_ Yes, that _must_ be the answer. They're foiling my plans before I can even see them through! Well, two can play at this ga-_"Okabe!"_

_"Ya-_aah!" I jolt upright in my seat—not that I'm scared, mind you, just testing my reflexes. Yeah. I shake my head and look at the annoying red-head who'd ruined my monologuing. "Assistant, how many times must I tell you: my name is-"

She flicks me on the tip of my nose, glaring down at me. Whatever retort I had cowers in the back of my throat. "Yes, yes. You and your dreams of chaotic grandeur. I've heard you go on about it plenty of times," she rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest. "Okabe, I may have a solution to our rent and electricity issues." Of course, my dutiful assistant would have answers! Not that I don't, but hearing hers would be good for morale.

More or less.

I stand up with a flourish, my lab-coat waving dramatically as I stand in front of the laboratory's (sole) fan. Summer sucks, but hell, I look cool at least. Standing heroically: "Celeb Sev is coming forth with ideas? Well, out with them, woman!" I shout at her, despite the fact we're only several feet away from each other. Maybe I should learn volume control in the next worldline? Bah, no, I could definitely learn something more useful than speaking quieter.

The glare Kurisu gives me says otherwise. I promptly ignore that. "I-_urgh..."_ She growls at me from under her breath. _"Luckily,"_ she starts, her voice dripping pure venom, "I know _someone_ who owes me several favours. I could-" I shake my head, stopping her from continuing.

"No, no strangers in the lab! No exceptions!" I make a cross with my arms. It does little to deter her ever-intensifying glowering. Her lips press together, tightly might I add, and she stands in silence. Her half-lid eyes won't break me this time!

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose as she exhales slowly. Clearly, she's irritated with herself for even suggesting such an inane idea. "He's not a stranger." Or not. Wait, did she say _he?_ No, definitely not, then! I give a single shake of my head, preparing to pull the authority card, but a raise of her brow stops me. Her eyes look deep into mine, something hides behind them. Contempt? Anger? _Something_ palpable. Palpable enough that it gives me pause.

She doesn't say anything more to me, instead opting to pull out her cell-phone. I glance between both the device and her, trying to decipher this quickly-forming plan in her head. To no avail. Her fingers glide across the screen of her mobile device; keys sound with each press of her thumb. A dial-tone hums quietly.

And I stare at her in confusion.

In all honesty, I should've put two and two together. She raises the phone to her ear. "Who are you calling?" I ask, glancing around the rest of the lab. Everyone else has been gone for today—be it for work or family, I couldn't tell. Leaving just the two of us Lab mems.

Dammit, why couldn't it have been Daru who had nothing to do? At least he and I could brainstorm something better than her asinine idea! A stranger, in my lab! Preposterous. Who even is this person, anyhow? Part of the Organization, perhaps?! If that's the case, I better tell Kurisu to put that phone away, immedia-! "Operation: Lemming, is a go!" Directly after those words leave her lips, I realize all too late that I was monologuing again.

Also, Operation: Lemming? That is ridiculous! How could a tiny rodent be of any help?

**. . . . .**

Ever have a _good_ dream? One you don't want to wake up from until you see its conclusion? However, if you do wake up, you simply forget almost every detail? I'm currently having that dream. It's a kick in the ass that I remember fuck all about it as I go along.

From what I do lucidly remember, it has something to do with a watch or-or a bracelet or something like that. And for some reason, I'm in Japan. Couldn't be bothered to say what it was about, though, just that I'm having a good dream for once.

_'...but if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweeeakers... well, then we're shit out of luck.'_ Well, _had._

My ringtone blares to life, loudly. Every thought I'd just had disappearing in an instant. Coming to on the floor beside my bed, I pull myself up with maximum morning effort. Glaring, albeit groggily, at the surface of the end-table closest to me, I glance my alarm clock. My jaw clenches behind closed lips as I stare in exhausted wonder. Who the hell calls at four in the Goddamned morning? I blink the morning crusts out of my eyes, squinting them as I look at the bright screen. A disgruntled sigh leaves me as I stare at the name of my disturber.

Lazily, I crawl myself back into the warmth of my bed, a hand absentmindedly grabbing at my cell. I pull it to my ears, releasing a sigh before clicking green. _"Yahhh...,"_ letting a yawn out, I hear a quick greeting from an old friend. "Chris?" I suggest, resting the pit of my elbow over my forehead as I stare at my dark ceiling. No response. "Chris, you called?" I try again.

_"One moment, Weyland."_ Her voice finally sounds. Hushed, but sounds nonetheless. Seems she might be in a prior conversation, and seeing as how I've literally just woken up, I can give her time to finish that. _"I-_erk! _No, he did _not_ call me Chris. You're imagining things!"_ Huh, sounds irritated; I may not speak the best Japanese, but I can understand what I need to. Either way, whatever she's calling for, it must be important if she's getting worked up over her name. _"That doesn't mean you can call me-_grr!" Muffled movement reverberates from her end, something akin to a smack pops up in the background. _"Weyland! How are you doing today?"_

What, am I supposed to just play that off?

Well, she certainly knows how to pique one's interest. With another, low yawn, I close my eyes. "Well, _was_ asleep. Now I'm not. Make of that what you will," I murmur. "Must be calling for a good reason, especially since it's _this_ early in the day." She doesn't respond, but no matter. Fucking with Chris is the fastest to get her to talk. I decide to continue: "What, not enjoying your trip to Japan? It's only been like, what, a month. Two?" I hear her take a breath in, to start talking, but I've one more thing to add; icing to the cake, as it were. "Told ya, you'd miss me." Expecting a quicker response this time, I lower my phone's volume a little.

_"I-_that_ is _not_ the reason I called, Weyland!" _I chuckle and yawn at the same time. A yuckle, if you will. _"N-no, things are going relatively as theorized over here. I'm calling for... your help, however."_ That's new. She never asks for help unless she absolutely needs it. Must be going through a rough patch over there or something? I turn over in my bed, staring at my alarm clock as I wait for her to say what it is she needs.

She doesn't say a thing. "Chris?"

_"It's _Kurisu!"

"Still sounds like Chris to me," I mumble, fighting back the ever-encroaching limbs of Lady Slumber. I shake my head, waking up a little more. Deciding enough's enough, I roll my legs over the side of my bed. Might as well actually wake up, I guess. "Whadya need?" Maybe it's not so bad that she's calling in one of her favours. Lord, I hope not. Save a man's life once, sure thing.

But three times? Jesus, I'm gonna be in debt forever.

_"I-,"_ something in me convulses, my stomach tightens. This already doesn't sound good. _"I'm calling in one of those favours you owe me. I need you to be in Akihabara by noon, tomorrow."_

Fuck.

* * *

**Holy shit, some time's passed since I last updated. Welp, might as well hop outta the frying pan, straight back into the fire... with some Steins;Gate: My Darling's Embrace AU action!**

**Let's get some flak for this.**

**Reminder: This chapter is a test subject and will likely go under editing. It is the will of Steins Gate!**

**Anyway, that's that for, er... _that?_ As usual, you're all the best and I hope you continue to enjoy!**


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